Saturday, July 10, 2010

POISONED BLOOD

When I saw a little boy, I remember my mother spanking my older brother because I got in a fight with another kid that was wayyyyy bigger than me and my Brother didn't jump in and protect me. She preached that 'Blood Is Thicker Than Water' and even though I started the fight, AND my brother was friends with the other boy, I was still his little brother and it was his place to defend me AT ALL COST. A valuable lesson was learned that day, and though me and my brother have always fought and argued amongst ourselves, an outsider better not say anything about him or me or they'll have hell on their hands. That's PURE BLOOD. That's how it's suppost to be. The same mother that taught me that valuable lesson also told me that sometimes your family will do the most evil things and hurt you like no one else can....  

Just recently, the death of a very close family member has released some mighty big demons and skeletons out of a closet as big as Texas. 20 years ago he revealed that he had been molested and raped by 7 of his first cousins over a span of 23 years, all of which are current fathers, husbands, and Preachers. Of course a confession of that magnitude caused quite an uproar throughout my family but for the most part the family and mother of the accused men all dismissed those allegations as "Evil Lies". They then condemned the accuser (when he was alive) and swept everything they had heard (from other family members) and witnessed themselves, under the infamous 'Rug of Family Secrets'. Later we found out that their Mother & Father (who was also a Preacher) was fully aware of all the things that were going on and had even walked in on a few of these episodes...AND DID NOTHING.

The recent death of my relative has lead to this closet door of demons being smashed open and at least 10 of my family members have come out in the past week to confess that they too had been MOLESTED and RAPED by these 7 brothers, their Father, and their great Uncles. Some of them have memories of their innocence being taken away at 3 years old and being raped at 5. That is NOT Pure Blood, that's POISONED BLOOD! How sick in the head are you to rape your first cousin as an adult, knowing damn well that's wrong? They have been suspected of molesting their own children, nephews and nieces as well, all in the same house and small town they were born and raised in. What's even more sad is there are people in their immediate family hiding facts and still trying to cover up the truth while they defend the actions of these men. The poisoned blood doesn't just stop there; this family also has sister's cheating with brother-in-laws, brother-In-law's sexually assaulting sister-in-laws, mother's disowning children, nieces wishing death upon aunts, and a grandmother threatening to kill her granddaughter. The crazy part is, these latter situations are all just smoke screens to cover up the BIG PICTURE here, *Lives have been ruined by inappropriate contact with children!*

For those of you who don't think sexual abuse can happen to your child or family member remember this: almost 40% of all Sexual Abuse is by Relatives, over 35% of all women have been sexually abused and INCEST is the #1 form of sexual abuse. Children never fully recover sexual abuse and most suffer Psychological, Emotional, and Neurological damage for the rest of their lives resulting in Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Poor Self Esteem, Split Personalties, Substance Abuse, Sexual Behavior, Learning Disorders, Behavioral Problems and SUICIDE. IT RUINS PEOPLE'S LIVES!!! 

In conclusion, I encourage all of my fellow parents to be smart and take all the necessary measurements to prevent YOUR CHILD from being the next victim. Be smart and just know that there are a lot of mentally sick people in this world. Strictly supervised and monitored sleep overs and play dates, no closed/locked doors in the house, age appropriate dancing, TV & music, OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATIONS and talks about inappropriateness can all help to prevent sexual abuse. Also, closely monitoring your children around other adults is key too! (Whether they're family or not) Children are never too young to learn the basics of what's inappropriate! One thing that most sexually abused victims have in common is they almost ALWAYS say when they tried to tell an adult about what was going on or what was happening, the adult didn't listen, didn't report it, didn't believe them, or in a lot of cases BEAT them. Remember, once a child's innocence has been taken away, they can NEVER get that back, but you can prevent the next victim from enduring the same pain.       

6 comments:

  1. This is such an important, yet untouchable subject, especially in black families. I'm glad you wrote about it. I hope that people, especially parents, take notice of the detrimental effects of this type of abuse. Also, I hope that SURVIVORS of this abuse realize that sexual abuse is not their fault, nor does it have to define them!

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  2. Thank you so much for this honest, heartfelt, and informative entry, Andra. It is an extremely important message.

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  3. This was a really good read. I was watching Oprah show when she talked to molesters and one of the most important things they said were listen to your kids, if they don't want to go with a person DONT LET THEM GO. They also said to WATCH ADULTS around the children. It suspicious if there is a house full of adults and there He or She off in the room chillen with the kids...red flag. Now that I think of it..all that sit on my lap and even being cautious of who changes diapers. SMH so sad...I'm so worried about when he gets into school, this was not what I was thinking. Thanks Andra :D

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  4. Angel, your son will be just fine! But you are absolutely right! Some of the women in my family have said these brothers would always claim them as their lil 'girlfriends' when they were teens (1st cousins). But they NEVER messed with my female cousins who were labeled 'Big Mouths' or 'Tattle Tells'. Open Lines of Communications, parent talks, and ALWAYS monitoring kid's activity are the keys (in my opinion). Because remember, kids do these things to other kids too, it's not always adults.

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  5. WOW!This post needs to be transferd to the movie screen. It's SO POWERFUL that I really don't know what to say! Mr.Fuller this is mind-blowing!!!Things that happened in my past has been healed only by allowing GOD to heal me.The thing that I did was run to it, not knowing my self worth, not knowing how precious,and sacred my body was.Now as a mother I AM OVERPROTECTED!!! I don't allow my children to go to any other family members homes for sleep overs,only grandparents. BUt if you allow God to heal you,it will take place!!! AGAIN,Mr.Fuller this needs to be on screen...

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  6. Thank you nephew for making this a topic for discussion. It has been a long time coming and I am so glad that some of those that were affected have chosen to speak about it. The ABUSERS AND LIARS cannot shut us up!!!! We will prevail in our pursuit to get the word out! Love you much!!!!

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