WEB LOVE (Part1)

Online dating services. Like them or not, over 60 million Americans are registered users of the Top 5 Online Dating Service. That number does not even include the Facebook, Myspace, Craigslist & Twitter users who use those sites to meet other singles as well. However, to millions of people, online dating is still very taboo, and frowned upon...ESPECIALLY in the Black community. After seeing me on 2 recent Match.com commercials, I've had several beautiful Black women sheepishly admit to having memberships with Online Dating Services. But for some reason it was embarrassing for them to admit and even then they downplayed it like it was "Just for Shits & Giggles". A recent ABC News Study showed that 42% of Black Women have never been married, (twice the % of white women) Yet some would still rather stay single and in many cases, be miserable, than to date someone they've met online. So for those who are on the fence about online dating, here's 5 instant benefits to online dating:

1) SAFE CONVENIENCE:
To many people the biggest benefit of online dating is the convenience it gives a person to get to know another individual before meeting. There are A LOT of singles out there that simply don't have the time to go out and find companionship and honestly, it can be a very time consuming process. Going to bars, parties, clubs, malls, parks etc. can take a lot of time that many people don't have. Online dating can eliminate a lot of aimless chasing. You're on a sight with other singles. BINGO! In addition, once you meet someone online, this initial courting process can go on for as long as need be until you feel comfortable. During the process, if one person loses interest or gets a bad feeling about the other, they can simply call off all bets with little to no backlash, then on to the next one.

Helpful Hint: The 1st thing you should do when meeting someone online is GOOGLE THEM!!! You' be surprised what you can find out about a person! Also use good common sense. It's never a wise decision to tell a person where or what area you live, or give them your phone number too soon. The luxury of online dating is you can keep things at a comfortable distance until both people feel good about the situation. The initial meeting should also occur on common grounds, never at the person's home....DUHHHH!!!

2) PROFILE SCREENING:
Another huge benefit of online dating is the opportunity to pre-screen a person's profile to decide your level of interest. Yea, yea, I know, a person can easily create a spurious profile and lie about who they are and what they do, but those same people will lie in your face as well. It's only natural for a person to put their best foot forward, but there's still much that can be revealed in what a person writes and HOW they write as well. Obviously, you can get a hint about someone's educational capacity by how they write, (poor grammar, spelling etc) but you can also get an accurate indication based on WHAT they write too. For example, "I enjoy playing Madden on PS3" could actually translate, "I play video games all day and will ignore you in the process".

Helpful Hint: Don't OVER analyze, but do READ and Pay attention to more than just the words the person writes. Checkout their "Wall" or comment posts to get a good feel about who they really are. Remember, people typically keep the kind of company which reflects themselves. So if somebody's posting obscene or rowdy things on their wall, then they're probably that kind of person too.

3) PICTURED STORIES:
The saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words" holds true, but when I assess people's online pictures I think of another saying, "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it." Online daters usually have the luxury of being able to look through multiple pictures to gather information about the other person without ever meeting them. Pictures can easily give insight to someone's personality, religious beliefs, their taste in clothes, social life etc. Through pictures, you can also tell if a person's "Talk" matches their "Walk". For example, if her profile reads: "Good wholesome Christian girl who loves to spend quiet nights at home cuddled up with a good book" then you look through her photos and they're all pictures of her drunk in the club, kissing all over guys, and passed out on a Hollywood sidewalk, then her PROFILE (talk) doesn't match her PICTURES (walk).

Helpful Hint: Many people tend to conveniently "Forget" to upgrade their online pictures which could lead to things being over before they ever get started. Be upfront about how you look NOW, versus how you looked in your profile picture 10 years ago. If the picture wasn't very recent, either update the picture or offer to email a more recent picture of yourself. It's never a good idea to start a potential relationship off with a lie. My mother always says, "If you tell 1 lie, you gotta tell a million more to cover that 1 up!"

4) MINIMIZES AWKWARDNESS:
For anyone who has ever been on a blind date, you may have found it to have been the strangest, most uncomfortable situation ever. You're trying to get to know this person you've never meet before but sometimes you can't seem to find the balance between getting to know him/her and interrogating them. When you meet someone online you have the luxury of seeing their interests and even to discuss a few of them before you ever meet. So instead of the 1st date conversation going like this: "Soooooo do you like hockey?"...."No." (awkward silence) "Oh. OK." Your conversation can go more like this: "So I read on your profile you hate hockey, What do you have against hockey? LOL! Have you ever been to a game? etc etc...."

Helpful Hint: Leave some things to talk about in person. For example, people generally LOVE to talk about themselves, so if someone's profile says they were a collegiate cheerleader, that may be a good topic to save for the initial meeting. It will allow her to relax, open up, and talk about something she's familiar and comfortable with; herself.

5) NARROWS YOUR SEARCH:
I look at online dating like online shopping; if you're looking for the perfect pair of a specific brand of shoe, you will have a greater chance of finding it online than you would roaming around your local mall. Same with online dating. These sites are designed to fix single people up with people who share the same interests; what a huge convenience. Plus, let's be real, you may not be on an "Official" online dating site, but the reason your Facebook, Myspace & Twitter account say "SINGLE" is because you're remotely open to the possibility of meeting Mr.Right online, NOT just as an FYI (otherwise you'd leave it blank). And even if you haven't dated someone you've met online, we've ALL seen someone that we would DEFINITELY be interested in dating. So get over the fact that you're meeting the person online and stop limiting yourself. Plus ALOT OF YOUR FRIENDS HOOK UP ONLINE, THEY JUST WONT ADMIT IT ;-)

Helpful Hint: Be honest about who YOU are and what you're looking for. For example, If you don't like kids, then you probably shouldn't date someone who has kids. Of course there's always the exceptions, but if it's a deal breaker then don't waste your time or the other person's. But more importantly BE REALISTIC with what YOU have to offer!!! Don't demand Filet Mignon if you're only a Bologna Sandwich. #Church

YES, we all know there is something kinda of corny and uncool about online dating but GET OVER IT! It's now 2010 and technology is the way of the world. The internet has both enhanced AND handicapped the way we interact and meet people but, "It is, what it is". The way I look at online dating is, I'd much rather date someone I've met online then to go to a night club trying to find romance. You can't always control where you meet someone but a night club has never been an ideal place for me. I've lived in cities like New York and Los Angeles and it can be VERY difficult to met quality candidates who are SANE, and share common interest as you. Online dating services could help ease that process...

POISONED BLOOD

When I saw a little boy, I remember my mother spanking my older brother because I got in a fight with another kid that was wayyyyy bigger than me and my Brother didn't jump in and protect me. She preached that 'Blood Is Thicker Than Water' and even though I started the fight, AND my brother was friends with the other boy, I was still his little brother and it was his place to defend me AT ALL COST. A valuable lesson was learned that day, and though me and my brother have always fought and argued amongst ourselves, an outsider better not say anything about him or me or they'll have hell on their hands. That's PURE BLOOD. That's how it's suppost to be. The same mother that taught me that valuable lesson also told me that sometimes your family will do the most evil things and hurt you like no one else can....  

Just recently, the death of a very close family member has released some mighty big demons and skeletons out of a closet as big as Texas. 20 years ago he revealed that he had been molested and raped by 7 of his first cousins over a span of 23 years, all of which are current fathers, husbands, and Preachers. Of course a confession of that magnitude caused quite an uproar throughout my family but for the most part the family and mother of the accused men all dismissed those allegations as "Evil Lies". They then condemned the accuser (when he was alive) and swept everything they had heard (from other family members) and witnessed themselves, under the infamous 'Rug of Family Secrets'. Later we found out that their Mother & Father (who was also a Preacher) was fully aware of all the things that were going on and had even walked in on a few of these episodes...AND DID NOTHING.

The recent death of my relative has lead to this closet door of demons being smashed open and at least 10 of my family members have come out in the past week to confess that they too had been MOLESTED and RAPED by these 7 brothers, their Father, and their great Uncles. Some of them have memories of their innocence being taken away at 3 years old and being raped at 5. That is NOT Pure Blood, that's POISONED BLOOD! How sick in the head are you to rape your first cousin as an adult, knowing damn well that's wrong? They have been suspected of molesting their own children, nephews and nieces as well, all in the same house and small town they were born and raised in. What's even more sad is there are people in their immediate family hiding facts and still trying to cover up the truth while they defend the actions of these men. The poisoned blood doesn't just stop there; this family also has sister's cheating with brother-in-laws, brother-In-law's sexually assaulting sister-in-laws, mother's disowning children, nieces wishing death upon aunts, and a grandmother threatening to kill her granddaughter. The crazy part is, these latter situations are all just smoke screens to cover up the BIG PICTURE here, *Lives have been ruined by inappropriate contact with children!*

For those of you who don't think sexual abuse can happen to your child or family member remember this: almost 40% of all Sexual Abuse is by Relatives, over 35% of all women have been sexually abused and INCEST is the #1 form of sexual abuse. Children never fully recover sexual abuse and most suffer Psychological, Emotional, and Neurological damage for the rest of their lives resulting in Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Poor Self Esteem, Split Personalties, Substance Abuse, Sexual Behavior, Learning Disorders, Behavioral Problems and SUICIDE. IT RUINS PEOPLE'S LIVES!!! 

In conclusion, I encourage all of my fellow parents to be smart and take all the necessary measurements to prevent YOUR CHILD from being the next victim. Be smart and just know that there are a lot of mentally sick people in this world. Strictly supervised and monitored sleep overs and play dates, no closed/locked doors in the house, age appropriate dancing, TV & music, OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATIONS and talks about inappropriateness can all help to prevent sexual abuse. Also, closely monitoring your children around other adults is key too! (Whether they're family or not) Children are never too young to learn the basics of what's inappropriate! One thing that most sexually abused victims have in common is they almost ALWAYS say when they tried to tell an adult about what was going on or what was happening, the adult didn't listen, didn't report it, didn't believe them, or in a lot of cases BEAT them. Remember, once a child's innocence has been taken away, they can NEVER get that back, but you can prevent the next victim from enduring the same pain.