Earlier this week the #3 Nationally Ranked BYU Basketball Team found out that their 2nd best player, Brandon Davies, had been suspended for violating the school's Honor Code. His violation? He had premarital sex with his girlfriend. WTH???!!! To a certain extent, (besides getting an education) isn't that what kids are supposed to do in college? I went to Baylor University, and like BYU is a small, private, religious based college. Also, like BYU we had an Honor Code, in which I'm sure every student violated. Realistically speaking, almost every private & public university in the country has a Honor Code of Ethics/Conduct which almost all students violate within the first week of being on campus. Now of course that doesn't make it right but i absolutely think kicking the kid off the basketball team as a 1st time offender is a harsh and irrational punishment. For 1) It's was his first offense 2) BYU's punishments for 1st offense is a WARNING and 3) He didn't lie about it, he confessed.
This issue caused me to take a closer look at BYU's "Honor Code" and here it is:
1) Be Honest
2) Live a Chaste and Virtuous Life
3) Obey the Law and All Campus Policies
4) Use Clean Language
5) Respect Others
6) Abstain from Alcoholic Beverages, Tobacco, Coffee, Tea, and Substance Abuse
7) Participate Regularly in Church Services
8) Observe the Dress Code & Grooming Standards
9) Encourage Others in their Commitment to Comply with the Honor Code
Now, beside all the obvious GREY AREAS, the thing that stood out to me about this Honor Code was how RIDICULOUS some of the expectations are. Coffee? So students aren't allowed to drink coffee OR tea? Virtuous Life? To who's standards? What about if a student slams her hand in the door and yells, "Shit!" out of pain? Should she be disciplined also? The Honor Code also describes grooming expectations for women and more strictly, for men. Men can not wear shoes that shoe their feet, shorts that don't exceed their knees, side burns past their ears and must be clean shaved everyday with NO facial hair! Homosexuality is also identified as an offense that is punishable by expulsion. Really? You're gonna kick somebody out of school for being gay?
So I ask, should schools like BYU update their outdated bylaws or should they uphold their strict Mormon guidelines having that right as a private institution? What about if the students are not Mormon? Should they be forced to uphold Mormon values? How you feel???
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The berry is still BLACK, but is the juice still SWEET?
As we reach the half way point of February I'm proud to say that I, as well as many other Americans, have been fully engaged in celebrating BLACK HISTORY. However, in 2011 some people are starting to wonder, "Is their STILL a need for a designated month to celebrate Black History?" I personally believe there is still definitely a need for BHM and here are a few reasons why:
1) WE ALL SHOULD CELEBRATE BLACK HISTORY MONTH BECAUSE...Africans have been calling America home for almost as long as the Europeans. Of course America rightfully belongs to the Indians, but aside from the natives, just as surely as Caucasians recognize themselves as Americans, so too are we and we should get our fair recognition as such. Now some people might argue that if you have a Black History Month then it's only fair to have an Hispanic History Month, a Polish History Month etc etc. and that topic is debatable, however I disagree. Unlike those other respective nationalities, we didn't migrate to America for Religious freedom and new opportunities. African slaves were forced to come to the states against our own free will (in most cases).
2) WE ALL SHOULD CELEBRATE BLACK HISTORY MONTH BECAUSE...So much significant Black History is left out of the history books of public schools that if there were no Black History Month, our accomplishments would likely go unrecognized and uncelebrated in the United States. Personally, when I think back to when I was in middle/high school, I vaguely remember discussing slavery but definitely remember talking about Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks & the Civil Rights movement. But what about life before the Equal Rights Movement or even before we were sold to the Europeans? What were we doing in Africa before we came to America? We learn about what the Europeans were doing before they sailed to America, why not our ancestors as well. A lot of history books would lead one to believe that we lived savagely and uncivilized in Africa, but that is FAR from the truth.
And what about the Atlantic Slave Trade? Why do we learn every single detail about Hitler, Anne Frank and the Holocaust but the slave trade is barely mentioned in our history lessons? The fact of the matter is, an estimated 5-6 Million Jews dies during the Holocaust....However according to various Historians, estimations ranging from 30-50 million and as high as 150-210 MILLION African slaves died in the 300+ years of the Middle Passage. The Slave Trade lasted for well over 300 years, each ship held 300-500 Slaves stacked on top of each other, and it took approximately 90 days to travel to America, which lead to an approximate 30% death rate on EACH TRIP.
3) WE ALL SHOULD CELEBRATE BLACK HISTORY MONTH BECAUSE...Quite frankly, WE BUILT THIS COUNTRY!!! Whether it was willingly or forcefully, we planted the crops, laid the steel, hammered the nails AND even created some of the most brilliant inventions in which we rely heavily on on a daily basis. Without Black History Month most of us would not know the names of Benjamin Banneker, Dr. Charles Drew, Otis Boykin, or George Alcorn (to name a few). We've done more than just fight for Civil Rights and equality, we've contributed significantly to the betterment of the United States of America and have fought on the front line to keep this country free and make it the GREAT country it is.
CELEBRATION.
1) WE ALL SHOULD CELEBRATE BLACK HISTORY MONTH BECAUSE...Africans have been calling America home for almost as long as the Europeans. Of course America rightfully belongs to the Indians, but aside from the natives, just as surely as Caucasians recognize themselves as Americans, so too are we and we should get our fair recognition as such. Now some people might argue that if you have a Black History Month then it's only fair to have an Hispanic History Month, a Polish History Month etc etc. and that topic is debatable, however I disagree. Unlike those other respective nationalities, we didn't migrate to America for Religious freedom and new opportunities. African slaves were forced to come to the states against our own free will (in most cases).
2) WE ALL SHOULD CELEBRATE BLACK HISTORY MONTH BECAUSE...So much significant Black History is left out of the history books of public schools that if there were no Black History Month, our accomplishments would likely go unrecognized and uncelebrated in the United States. Personally, when I think back to when I was in middle/high school, I vaguely remember discussing slavery but definitely remember talking about Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks & the Civil Rights movement. But what about life before the Equal Rights Movement or even before we were sold to the Europeans? What were we doing in Africa before we came to America? We learn about what the Europeans were doing before they sailed to America, why not our ancestors as well. A lot of history books would lead one to believe that we lived savagely and uncivilized in Africa, but that is FAR from the truth.
And what about the Atlantic Slave Trade? Why do we learn every single detail about Hitler, Anne Frank and the Holocaust but the slave trade is barely mentioned in our history lessons? The fact of the matter is, an estimated 5-6 Million Jews dies during the Holocaust....However according to various Historians, estimations ranging from 30-50 million and as high as 150-210 MILLION African slaves died in the 300+ years of the Middle Passage. The Slave Trade lasted for well over 300 years, each ship held 300-500 Slaves stacked on top of each other, and it took approximately 90 days to travel to America, which lead to an approximate 30% death rate on EACH TRIP.
3) WE ALL SHOULD CELEBRATE BLACK HISTORY MONTH BECAUSE...Quite frankly, WE BUILT THIS COUNTRY!!! Whether it was willingly or forcefully, we planted the crops, laid the steel, hammered the nails AND even created some of the most brilliant inventions in which we rely heavily on on a daily basis. Without Black History Month most of us would not know the names of Benjamin Banneker, Dr. Charles Drew, Otis Boykin, or George Alcorn (to name a few). We've done more than just fight for Civil Rights and equality, we've contributed significantly to the betterment of the United States of America and have fought on the front line to keep this country free and make it the GREAT country it is.
CELEBRATION.
Monday, October 11, 2010
YOU BODY? I'M BODY BODY!!!
Hey Ladies, most men would agree with me that chicks rocking tattoos are SEXY! However, I do encourage you gals to use good judgement and common sense when getting tatted up. Here's some things to consider:
1) CONTENT
You must absolutely keep in mind that you will NOT be a care free 20 year old "buss it baby"/"hot girl"/"ride of die chick" for the rest of your life. And as hard as it might be to imagine, chances are some day you'll likely be a wife, mother (or both). Do you think your kids will be proud to say, "That's my mama!" when you roll up to the PTA Meetings with a tattoo of a tongue licking between two cherries on your arm??? How proud will your grand kids be when ya'll take pictures at the Family reunion and you're 76 years old with some old ass Tiger Paw tattoos sliding down your saggy ass breast which are now touching your stomach and now they look more like octopus arms than tiger paws! LMAO! BE SMART, Choose your content wisely.
2) WORD PLAY
I'd be willing to bet that about 85% of all tattoos have some type of words, symbols, phrase, quote, saying, or NAMES. Ladies, if you absolutely INSIST on getting a name tattooed on you, PLEASE let it be your kid's or parent's name! Meaning don't be around here falling in love, getting Walter Jr.'s name tatted on your body...Then 6 months later you cant stand his sorry ass! And if you INSIST on getting some type of symbol or lettering, PLEASE make sure it's somewhat relatable to your life or existence or at least be 100% sure you know WHAT it actually means! In many countries the slightest additional mark or missing slash could change the entire meaning of a word or phrase. So you go down to Tyrone's Tattoo Shop and get what you THOUGHT was the Chinese symbol for 'Wise' but instead your new Tattoo actually means 'Wide'! LOL! And what's with the obsession with Chinese tattoos anyways? Try getting something that's RELEVANT and SYMBOLIC to YOUR life, not just something trendy! Trust me, you'll regret it later.
3) LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!!!
Ladies PLEASE be smart about the placement of your tattoos, especially suggestive ones! Most guys would probably agree that there is NO sexier location for a tat on a woman's body than her lower back (aka The TRAMP STAMP). LOL! But as bad a reputation that location has recently received, at least it's usually hidden and non visible in a normal setting. What you do in your personal life is your business, but just make sure it doesn't effect your professional life or the ability to obtain a professional life. This goes for guys too! Keep the tats OFF ya necks, faces, hands and forearms unless you're an ESTABLISHED entertainer or a prison guard! Even though it's almost 2011, people still judge others based on their exterior appearance, categorizing them before they ever open there mouths. And being that 85% of all communication is infact non-verbal, misplaced body art could send the WRONG message about you! For Example: My homeboy's little brother is a Harvard Grad but has tattoos all over his neck and arms. When he got pulled over for speeding in Beverly Hills about a year ago, the cop instantly pulled his gun because he claimed his tattoos "LOOKED" gang related.... Ok I totally made that entire story up, but I'm sure you can see how it could have easily been true! LOL!
Bottom line is, "BE SMART WHEN GETTING BODY ART!!!" Unless you're: already rich, a platinum rapper, rock n roll star, a Catholic Priest, professional bum, midget, circus freak, professional club bouncer, NBA or NFL starter (Bench riders don't need ink), a wrestler, or Bill Maher (because he's just that gangsta!)
PEACCCCCE!!!
1) CONTENT
You must absolutely keep in mind that you will NOT be a care free 20 year old "buss it baby"/"hot girl"/"ride of die chick" for the rest of your life. And as hard as it might be to imagine, chances are some day you'll likely be a wife, mother (or both). Do you think your kids will be proud to say, "That's my mama!" when you roll up to the PTA Meetings with a tattoo of a tongue licking between two cherries on your arm??? How proud will your grand kids be when ya'll take pictures at the Family reunion and you're 76 years old with some old ass Tiger Paw tattoos sliding down your saggy ass breast which are now touching your stomach and now they look more like octopus arms than tiger paws! LMAO! BE SMART, Choose your content wisely.
2) WORD PLAY
I'd be willing to bet that about 85% of all tattoos have some type of words, symbols, phrase, quote, saying, or NAMES. Ladies, if you absolutely INSIST on getting a name tattooed on you, PLEASE let it be your kid's or parent's name! Meaning don't be around here falling in love, getting Walter Jr.'s name tatted on your body...Then 6 months later you cant stand his sorry ass! And if you INSIST on getting some type of symbol or lettering, PLEASE make sure it's somewhat relatable to your life or existence or at least be 100% sure you know WHAT it actually means! In many countries the slightest additional mark or missing slash could change the entire meaning of a word or phrase. So you go down to Tyrone's Tattoo Shop and get what you THOUGHT was the Chinese symbol for 'Wise' but instead your new Tattoo actually means 'Wide'! LOL! And what's with the obsession with Chinese tattoos anyways? Try getting something that's RELEVANT and SYMBOLIC to YOUR life, not just something trendy! Trust me, you'll regret it later.
3) LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!!!
Ladies PLEASE be smart about the placement of your tattoos, especially suggestive ones! Most guys would probably agree that there is NO sexier location for a tat on a woman's body than her lower back (aka The TRAMP STAMP). LOL! But as bad a reputation that location has recently received, at least it's usually hidden and non visible in a normal setting. What you do in your personal life is your business, but just make sure it doesn't effect your professional life or the ability to obtain a professional life. This goes for guys too! Keep the tats OFF ya necks, faces, hands and forearms unless you're an ESTABLISHED entertainer or a prison guard! Even though it's almost 2011, people still judge others based on their exterior appearance, categorizing them before they ever open there mouths. And being that 85% of all communication is infact non-verbal, misplaced body art could send the WRONG message about you! For Example: My homeboy's little brother is a Harvard Grad but has tattoos all over his neck and arms. When he got pulled over for speeding in Beverly Hills about a year ago, the cop instantly pulled his gun because he claimed his tattoos "LOOKED" gang related.... Ok I totally made that entire story up, but I'm sure you can see how it could have easily been true! LOL!
Bottom line is, "BE SMART WHEN GETTING BODY ART!!!" Unless you're: already rich, a platinum rapper, rock n roll star, a Catholic Priest, professional bum, midget, circus freak, professional club bouncer, NBA or NFL starter (Bench riders don't need ink), a wrestler, or Bill Maher (because he's just that gangsta!)
PEACCCCCE!!!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The Cost Of Health
Last month I posted a Facebook picture and comment complaining about the cost of eating healthy. The picture was of a gallon of Organic Milk which cost $7, (a gallon of regular priced milk is $2.59). A friend of mine made this comment about the picture, "When eating healthy, you either pay with your WEALTH, or you pay with your HEALTH". Meaning if you wish to eat healthy, it's gonna cost you a lot of money or if your chose NOT to eat healthy, you'll pay with poor health. But is that really fair? Is it fair that an organic chicken sandwich cost over $10 but a chicken sandwich from a fast food restaurant only costs $1? And furthermore is it all coincidental or is it an underlying conspiracy by the government to control population by ensuring the wealthy get to live longer by indirectly forcing the poor to eat poorly? Well, that may be a stretch....but then again it might not be!
Personally, I'd love to be able to eat organic foods and avoid the processed and pesticides drenched foods that are sold in the stores but for the most part that would mean my lights, cable, and Internet would all get cut off. Especially in cities like Los Angeles and New York where food is already expensive enough. Last week I paid $57 for a bunch of bananas, a pack of margarine, a pack of cheese, 2 packs of turkey lunch meat, 2 loaves of bread, 2 boxes of Nilla Waffers, a small pack of Hormel Roast Beef & a box of Cheerios.... That's it.... $57 for that. RIDICULOUS! What are we to do when the cost of food is steadily increases, healthy food is twice as much yet we are being laid off and losing jobs?
The question I pose is, "Should the government do something to regulate the pricing of organic foods so that common people can also afford to eat better? Or should they simply improve and impose stricter regulations for the chemicals used to grow our normal foods? These days the poison in our meats and vegetables seem to be more dangerous than what cigarettes contain. At least when smoking cigarettes the potent ingredients are clearly printed right on the pack. When you go to the grocery store a buy a chicken the size of a turkey you have no idea what hormones were used to double the size or their effects. I also think the toxins in the foods we eat are the causes behind all these young athletes dying of heart attacks and seizures and suffering from all these concussions. There's no way anybody can convince me that there's no direct correlation between the two. Football players aren't hitting any harder and basketball teams aren't training any harder, yet every year more and more young athletes in peek condition are dying from health related issues. Just some FOOD for thought.
Personally, I'd love to be able to eat organic foods and avoid the processed and pesticides drenched foods that are sold in the stores but for the most part that would mean my lights, cable, and Internet would all get cut off. Especially in cities like Los Angeles and New York where food is already expensive enough. Last week I paid $57 for a bunch of bananas, a pack of margarine, a pack of cheese, 2 packs of turkey lunch meat, 2 loaves of bread, 2 boxes of Nilla Waffers, a small pack of Hormel Roast Beef & a box of Cheerios.... That's it.... $57 for that. RIDICULOUS! What are we to do when the cost of food is steadily increases, healthy food is twice as much yet we are being laid off and losing jobs?
The question I pose is, "Should the government do something to regulate the pricing of organic foods so that common people can also afford to eat better? Or should they simply improve and impose stricter regulations for the chemicals used to grow our normal foods? These days the poison in our meats and vegetables seem to be more dangerous than what cigarettes contain. At least when smoking cigarettes the potent ingredients are clearly printed right on the pack. When you go to the grocery store a buy a chicken the size of a turkey you have no idea what hormones were used to double the size or their effects. I also think the toxins in the foods we eat are the causes behind all these young athletes dying of heart attacks and seizures and suffering from all these concussions. There's no way anybody can convince me that there's no direct correlation between the two. Football players aren't hitting any harder and basketball teams aren't training any harder, yet every year more and more young athletes in peek condition are dying from health related issues. Just some FOOD for thought.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
WEB LOVE (Part1)
Online dating services. Like them or not, over 60 million Americans are registered users of the Top 5 Online Dating Service. That number does not even include the Facebook, Myspace, Craigslist & Twitter users who use those sites to meet other singles as well. However, to millions of people, online dating is still very taboo, and frowned upon...ESPECIALLY in the Black community. After seeing me on 2 recent Match.com commercials, I've had several beautiful Black women sheepishly admit to having memberships with Online Dating Services. But for some reason it was embarrassing for them to admit and even then they downplayed it like it was "Just for Shits & Giggles". A recent ABC News Study showed that 42% of Black Women have never been married, (twice the % of white women) Yet some would still rather stay single and in many cases, be miserable, than to date someone they've met online. So for those who are on the fence about online dating, here's 5 instant benefits to online dating:
1) SAFE CONVENIENCE:
To many people the biggest benefit of online dating is the convenience it gives a person to get to know another individual before meeting. There are A LOT of singles out there that simply don't have the time to go out and find companionship and honestly, it can be a very time consuming process. Going to bars, parties, clubs, malls, parks etc. can take a lot of time that many people don't have. Online dating can eliminate a lot of aimless chasing. You're on a sight with other singles. BINGO! In addition, once you meet someone online, this initial courting process can go on for as long as need be until you feel comfortable. During the process, if one person loses interest or gets a bad feeling about the other, they can simply call off all bets with little to no backlash, then on to the next one.
Helpful Hint: The 1st thing you should do when meeting someone online is GOOGLE THEM!!! You' be surprised what you can find out about a person! Also use good common sense. It's never a wise decision to tell a person where or what area you live, or give them your phone number too soon. The luxury of online dating is you can keep things at a comfortable distance until both people feel good about the situation. The initial meeting should also occur on common grounds, never at the person's home....DUHHHH!!!
2) PROFILE SCREENING:
Another huge benefit of online dating is the opportunity to pre-screen a person's profile to decide your level of interest. Yea, yea, I know, a person can easily create a spurious profile and lie about who they are and what they do, but those same people will lie in your face as well. It's only natural for a person to put their best foot forward, but there's still much that can be revealed in what a person writes and HOW they write as well. Obviously, you can get a hint about someone's educational capacity by how they write, (poor grammar, spelling etc) but you can also get an accurate indication based on WHAT they write too. For example, "I enjoy playing Madden on PS3" could actually translate, "I play video games all day and will ignore you in the process".
Helpful Hint: Don't OVER analyze, but do READ and Pay attention to more than just the words the person writes. Checkout their "Wall" or comment posts to get a good feel about who they really are. Remember, people typically keep the kind of company which reflects themselves. So if somebody's posting obscene or rowdy things on their wall, then they're probably that kind of person too.
3) PICTURED STORIES:
The saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words" holds true, but when I assess people's online pictures I think of another saying, "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it." Online daters usually have the luxury of being able to look through multiple pictures to gather information about the other person without ever meeting them. Pictures can easily give insight to someone's personality, religious beliefs, their taste in clothes, social life etc. Through pictures, you can also tell if a person's "Talk" matches their "Walk". For example, if her profile reads: "Good wholesome Christian girl who loves to spend quiet nights at home cuddled up with a good book" then you look through her photos and they're all pictures of her drunk in the club, kissing all over guys, and passed out on a Hollywood sidewalk, then her PROFILE (talk) doesn't match her PICTURES (walk).
Helpful Hint: Many people tend to conveniently "Forget" to upgrade their online pictures which could lead to things being over before they ever get started. Be upfront about how you look NOW, versus how you looked in your profile picture 10 years ago. If the picture wasn't very recent, either update the picture or offer to email a more recent picture of yourself. It's never a good idea to start a potential relationship off with a lie. My mother always says, "If you tell 1 lie, you gotta tell a million more to cover that 1 up!"
4) MINIMIZES AWKWARDNESS:
For anyone who has ever been on a blind date, you may have found it to have been the strangest, most uncomfortable situation ever. You're trying to get to know this person you've never meet before but sometimes you can't seem to find the balance between getting to know him/her and interrogating them. When you meet someone online you have the luxury of seeing their interests and even to discuss a few of them before you ever meet. So instead of the 1st date conversation going like this: "Soooooo do you like hockey?"...."No." (awkward silence) "Oh. OK." Your conversation can go more like this: "So I read on your profile you hate hockey, What do you have against hockey? LOL! Have you ever been to a game? etc etc...."
Helpful Hint: Leave some things to talk about in person. For example, people generally LOVE to talk about themselves, so if someone's profile says they were a collegiate cheerleader, that may be a good topic to save for the initial meeting. It will allow her to relax, open up, and talk about something she's familiar and comfortable with; herself.
5) NARROWS YOUR SEARCH:
I look at online dating like online shopping; if you're looking for the perfect pair of a specific brand of shoe, you will have a greater chance of finding it online than you would roaming around your local mall. Same with online dating. These sites are designed to fix single people up with people who share the same interests; what a huge convenience. Plus, let's be real, you may not be on an "Official" online dating site, but the reason your Facebook, Myspace & Twitter account say "SINGLE" is because you're remotely open to the possibility of meeting Mr.Right online, NOT just as an FYI (otherwise you'd leave it blank). And even if you haven't dated someone you've met online, we've ALL seen someone that we would DEFINITELY be interested in dating. So get over the fact that you're meeting the person online and stop limiting yourself. Plus ALOT OF YOUR FRIENDS HOOK UP ONLINE, THEY JUST WONT ADMIT IT ;-)
Helpful Hint: Be honest about who YOU are and what you're looking for. For example, If you don't like kids, then you probably shouldn't date someone who has kids. Of course there's always the exceptions, but if it's a deal breaker then don't waste your time or the other person's. But more importantly BE REALISTIC with what YOU have to offer!!! Don't demand Filet Mignon if you're only a Bologna Sandwich. #Church
YES, we all know there is something kinda of corny and uncool about online dating but GET OVER IT! It's now 2010 and technology is the way of the world. The internet has both enhanced AND handicapped the way we interact and meet people but, "It is, what it is". The way I look at online dating is, I'd much rather date someone I've met online then to go to a night club trying to find romance. You can't always control where you meet someone but a night club has never been an ideal place for me. I've lived in cities like New York and Los Angeles and it can be VERY difficult to met quality candidates who are SANE, and share common interest as you. Online dating services could help ease that process...
1) SAFE CONVENIENCE:
To many people the biggest benefit of online dating is the convenience it gives a person to get to know another individual before meeting. There are A LOT of singles out there that simply don't have the time to go out and find companionship and honestly, it can be a very time consuming process. Going to bars, parties, clubs, malls, parks etc. can take a lot of time that many people don't have. Online dating can eliminate a lot of aimless chasing. You're on a sight with other singles. BINGO! In addition, once you meet someone online, this initial courting process can go on for as long as need be until you feel comfortable. During the process, if one person loses interest or gets a bad feeling about the other, they can simply call off all bets with little to no backlash, then on to the next one.
Helpful Hint: The 1st thing you should do when meeting someone online is GOOGLE THEM!!! You' be surprised what you can find out about a person! Also use good common sense. It's never a wise decision to tell a person where or what area you live, or give them your phone number too soon. The luxury of online dating is you can keep things at a comfortable distance until both people feel good about the situation. The initial meeting should also occur on common grounds, never at the person's home....DUHHHH!!!
2) PROFILE SCREENING:
Another huge benefit of online dating is the opportunity to pre-screen a person's profile to decide your level of interest. Yea, yea, I know, a person can easily create a spurious profile and lie about who they are and what they do, but those same people will lie in your face as well. It's only natural for a person to put their best foot forward, but there's still much that can be revealed in what a person writes and HOW they write as well. Obviously, you can get a hint about someone's educational capacity by how they write, (poor grammar, spelling etc) but you can also get an accurate indication based on WHAT they write too. For example, "I enjoy playing Madden on PS3" could actually translate, "I play video games all day and will ignore you in the process".
Helpful Hint: Don't OVER analyze, but do READ and Pay attention to more than just the words the person writes. Checkout their "Wall" or comment posts to get a good feel about who they really are. Remember, people typically keep the kind of company which reflects themselves. So if somebody's posting obscene or rowdy things on their wall, then they're probably that kind of person too.
3) PICTURED STORIES:
The saying, "A picture is worth a thousand words" holds true, but when I assess people's online pictures I think of another saying, "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it." Online daters usually have the luxury of being able to look through multiple pictures to gather information about the other person without ever meeting them. Pictures can easily give insight to someone's personality, religious beliefs, their taste in clothes, social life etc. Through pictures, you can also tell if a person's "Talk" matches their "Walk". For example, if her profile reads: "Good wholesome Christian girl who loves to spend quiet nights at home cuddled up with a good book" then you look through her photos and they're all pictures of her drunk in the club, kissing all over guys, and passed out on a Hollywood sidewalk, then her PROFILE (talk) doesn't match her PICTURES (walk).
Helpful Hint: Many people tend to conveniently "Forget" to upgrade their online pictures which could lead to things being over before they ever get started. Be upfront about how you look NOW, versus how you looked in your profile picture 10 years ago. If the picture wasn't very recent, either update the picture or offer to email a more recent picture of yourself. It's never a good idea to start a potential relationship off with a lie. My mother always says, "If you tell 1 lie, you gotta tell a million more to cover that 1 up!"
4) MINIMIZES AWKWARDNESS:
For anyone who has ever been on a blind date, you may have found it to have been the strangest, most uncomfortable situation ever. You're trying to get to know this person you've never meet before but sometimes you can't seem to find the balance between getting to know him/her and interrogating them. When you meet someone online you have the luxury of seeing their interests and even to discuss a few of them before you ever meet. So instead of the 1st date conversation going like this: "Soooooo do you like hockey?"...."No." (awkward silence) "Oh. OK." Your conversation can go more like this: "So I read on your profile you hate hockey, What do you have against hockey? LOL! Have you ever been to a game? etc etc...."
Helpful Hint: Leave some things to talk about in person. For example, people generally LOVE to talk about themselves, so if someone's profile says they were a collegiate cheerleader, that may be a good topic to save for the initial meeting. It will allow her to relax, open up, and talk about something she's familiar and comfortable with; herself.
5) NARROWS YOUR SEARCH:
I look at online dating like online shopping; if you're looking for the perfect pair of a specific brand of shoe, you will have a greater chance of finding it online than you would roaming around your local mall. Same with online dating. These sites are designed to fix single people up with people who share the same interests; what a huge convenience. Plus, let's be real, you may not be on an "Official" online dating site, but the reason your Facebook, Myspace & Twitter account say "SINGLE" is because you're remotely open to the possibility of meeting Mr.Right online, NOT just as an FYI (otherwise you'd leave it blank). And even if you haven't dated someone you've met online, we've ALL seen someone that we would DEFINITELY be interested in dating. So get over the fact that you're meeting the person online and stop limiting yourself. Plus ALOT OF YOUR FRIENDS HOOK UP ONLINE, THEY JUST WONT ADMIT IT ;-)
Helpful Hint: Be honest about who YOU are and what you're looking for. For example, If you don't like kids, then you probably shouldn't date someone who has kids. Of course there's always the exceptions, but if it's a deal breaker then don't waste your time or the other person's. But more importantly BE REALISTIC with what YOU have to offer!!! Don't demand Filet Mignon if you're only a Bologna Sandwich. #Church
YES, we all know there is something kinda of corny and uncool about online dating but GET OVER IT! It's now 2010 and technology is the way of the world. The internet has both enhanced AND handicapped the way we interact and meet people but, "It is, what it is". The way I look at online dating is, I'd much rather date someone I've met online then to go to a night club trying to find romance. You can't always control where you meet someone but a night club has never been an ideal place for me. I've lived in cities like New York and Los Angeles and it can be VERY difficult to met quality candidates who are SANE, and share common interest as you. Online dating services could help ease that process...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
POISONED BLOOD
When I saw a little boy, I remember my mother spanking my older brother because I got in a fight with another kid that was wayyyyy bigger than me and my Brother didn't jump in and protect me. She preached that 'Blood Is Thicker Than Water' and even though I started the fight, AND my brother was friends with the other boy, I was still his little brother and it was his place to defend me AT ALL COST. A valuable lesson was learned that day, and though me and my brother have always fought and argued amongst ourselves, an outsider better not say anything about him or me or they'll have hell on their hands. That's PURE BLOOD. That's how it's suppost to be. The same mother that taught me that valuable lesson also told me that sometimes your family will do the most evil things and hurt you like no one else can....
Just recently, the death of a very close family member has released some mighty big demons and skeletons out of a closet as big as Texas. 20 years ago he revealed that he had been molested and raped by 7 of his first cousins over a span of 23 years, all of which are current fathers, husbands, and Preachers. Of course a confession of that magnitude caused quite an uproar throughout my family but for the most part the family and mother of the accused men all dismissed those allegations as "Evil Lies". They then condemned the accuser (when he was alive) and swept everything they had heard (from other family members) and witnessed themselves, under the infamous 'Rug of Family Secrets'. Later we found out that their Mother & Father (who was also a Preacher) was fully aware of all the things that were going on and had even walked in on a few of these episodes...AND DID NOTHING.
The recent death of my relative has lead to this closet door of demons being smashed open and at least 10 of my family members have come out in the past week to confess that they too had been MOLESTED and RAPED by these 7 brothers, their Father, and their great Uncles. Some of them have memories of their innocence being taken away at 3 years old and being raped at 5. That is NOT Pure Blood, that's POISONED BLOOD! How sick in the head are you to rape your first cousin as an adult, knowing damn well that's wrong? They have been suspected of molesting their own children, nephews and nieces as well, all in the same house and small town they were born and raised in. What's even more sad is there are people in their immediate family hiding facts and still trying to cover up the truth while they defend the actions of these men. The poisoned blood doesn't just stop there; this family also has sister's cheating with brother-in-laws, brother-In-law's sexually assaulting sister-in-laws, mother's disowning children, nieces wishing death upon aunts, and a grandmother threatening to kill her granddaughter. The crazy part is, these latter situations are all just smoke screens to cover up the BIG PICTURE here, *Lives have been ruined by inappropriate contact with children!*
For those of you who don't think sexual abuse can happen to your child or family member remember this: almost 40% of all Sexual Abuse is by Relatives, over 35% of all women have been sexually abused and INCEST is the #1 form of sexual abuse. Children never fully recover sexual abuse and most suffer Psychological, Emotional, and Neurological damage for the rest of their lives resulting in Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Poor Self Esteem, Split Personalties, Substance Abuse, Sexual Behavior, Learning Disorders, Behavioral Problems and SUICIDE. IT RUINS PEOPLE'S LIVES!!!
In conclusion, I encourage all of my fellow parents to be smart and take all the necessary measurements to prevent YOUR CHILD from being the next victim. Be smart and just know that there are a lot of mentally sick people in this world. Strictly supervised and monitored sleep overs and play dates, no closed/locked doors in the house, age appropriate dancing, TV & music, OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATIONS and talks about inappropriateness can all help to prevent sexual abuse. Also, closely monitoring your children around other adults is key too! (Whether they're family or not) Children are never too young to learn the basics of what's inappropriate! One thing that most sexually abused victims have in common is they almost ALWAYS say when they tried to tell an adult about what was going on or what was happening, the adult didn't listen, didn't report it, didn't believe them, or in a lot of cases BEAT them. Remember, once a child's innocence has been taken away, they can NEVER get that back, but you can prevent the next victim from enduring the same pain.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
So GOOD it hurts
Remember when all your aunts and uncles would be at the Family Reunions talking about 'How Good' kids these days got it, and how EVERYTHING they did was so old school and dramatically difficult? We've all heard the stories: "In my day we didn't have school buses; we had to walk 10 miles, up a hill barefoot in snow, carrying a mule, and our books just to get to school!" And my mama used to ALWAYS tell us, "Ya'll really don't know how good ya'll have it!" Meanwhile I'm looking around thinking, "We live in the Ghetto, what's good about this?" Well it's funny how the tables have turned!
Now in 2010, I find myself saying the exact same thing that elders used to say to me! Seriously though, the kids these days HAVE IT MADE (in some respects). Their biggest gift/curse is the Internet! Everything you wanna know about ANYTHING is just a mouse click away! I used to have to go to the library, pull the card catalog, then comb through thousands of books to find out what I needed to know. My mother remembers growing up without a TV and thought we were spoiled to have basic cable. Well the kids these days have High Def TV's, with DVR's that pause live TV, TV's in each room of the house AND several 24hr cartoon networks! Hell the only time my brother and I got to watch cartoons was from 7am-10am on Saturdays. LOL! Wasn't no iPods and downloading music either. It was cassette tapes and sitting around a radio all day to hear your favorite song. And if you wanted to record it you had to stuff the tissue paper in the lil holes at the top then press play & record at just the right time! Remember that?
Kids these days get cell phones at 10 years old and spend all day texting somebody who lives next door. Hell, I didn't even get a cell phone until I was in grad school, and nobody I knew had one either so to call home we had to: 1) make collect calls 2) use calling cards or 3) use a calling code like 10-10-220 etc. LMAO! Remember those? I kinda thought to write this blog because of an email a friend forwarded me but mostly because of a situation I had with my son. One day I was getting dressed to take him to the beach and of course children have no patience, so instead of rushing me, I told him to go play on the front patio and he replied, "Play what?" I was taken aback that a little boy his age needed guidance or instructions on what to play! He was lost without his PSP, LeapFrog, or Nintendo Wii (Yes, he's not even old enough to start school but has all those games). AND he has a computer in his bedroom.
I guess long gone are the days of "Duck, Duck, Goose", "Freeze Tag", and "Simon Says." Instead it's Sponge Bob Marathons, text messages, and TiVo'd TV shows. Notice the latter activities require NO movement, NO imagination, and NO human interaction... Not good. WHEN I was growing up, we played outside ALL DAY until the street lights came on! Hell, my mother damn near kicked us out the house during the day. WHEN I was growing up, there was ONE KID in the entire neighborhood who had a game console, and thats where we all played... TOGETHER. WHEN I was growing up, there were NO social networks! We had to go out into the world to socialize with our peers! WHEN I was growing up, all I wanted to do was play with my friends, but sadly that seems like the last thing on the minds of children these days. Guess I sound like an old man now, but the kids these days definitely have it good... But is it so good that it's bad?
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